We are truly alone

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have kept them in check though- a few times I've almost slipped. Sadly tonight I let Keelie stay up way past bed time just so I didn't have to be alone. I'm trying not to dwel or feel sorry for myself but as I sit here I realize It hurts , more hurt added onto the hell I'm already living. It makes me feel as if we are truly alone in this world. Is it ever going to end? It's kinda funny the things that are comforting and you don't realize it, like the noise of the heater or the dish washer. As soon as they shut off its a very lonely feeling. Amid all of this my stress level is surprisingly low. The stress of not having to deal with him and the day to day crap has been a bit of a relief. Granted dealing with it all at once would prob guarantee my spot in the loony bin for sure. I've had a lot of people reach out, but what do I say? When all I want to do is ignore every bit of it right now - ignoring means the pain isn't there. Yes I know at some point ill have to face it but for now ignoring works. My goal at staying busy today was successful, house is cleaned laundry is done, ran a few errands. Now I'm hoping the weekend is full so I can do the same, the more I'm busy the less time I have to think. Hell it's only 9 years of my life out the window, No big deal right? Ha ha I need to find a good comedy to watch, to bad Duck dynasty isn't on tv. Guess I should be a responsible parent and get my bug to bed, goodnight